I Feel Like a Cow

October 6, 2009 Tuesday

I recently had to make a plane trip and I have returned home feeling like a cow. This time I am not talking about how much weight I gained while away. I am instead referring to the bovine-like experience of airport security. The human herd was first rounded up into a very small area before being "cut" and then fed into various shoots. We were then prodded to hurriedly make our way through these lines and eventually we burst out of a final gate feeling winded and dazed. At this point a few unfortunates were led away by someone caring a device which really did look like a cattle prod. I quickly rushed away before they captured me too. Yes I was feeling more and more like a cow being herded to the slaughterhouse. I reminisced that travel is certainly not the glamorous adventure it once was.

In order to take my mind off the indignities of modern day travel, I started planning the most effective way to evacuate by plane. If plane travel will be your method of evacuation, you must select only the most treasured items to take with you. All packed belongings will have to adhere to the allowed luggage size and weight requirements of the airline you are traveling on. Most airlines now allow one carry-on bag not to exceed 45" (length + width + height), one personal item (purse, briefcase, diaper bag, laptop computer), and two bags which do not exceed 50 pounds or 62" (length + width + height). You should be aware that you will be charged $20 for the first bag and $30 for the second bag each way (these fees will probably only increase with time).

Although it will be difficult to fit your evacuation possessions into these tough guidelines, there are a few strategies you can employ which will help. The first is to buy light weight luggage. If you are only going to be allowed 50 pounds do not start with a suitcase weighing 8 pounds. There are rolling duffel bags which meet the 62" requirement and are able to accommodate a wide range unusually shaped objects. Since so much can be stuffed into these bags, you should weigh them after you have packed. The second helpful hint is to take a carry-on which is exactly 45" in dimension and not one inch less. Fill this suitcase up with your heaviest possessions since they rarely weigh a carry-on. Next take the largest personal item you own (purse, briefcase, diaper bag, etc) and fill it up. It is lucky for us that the purses being sold these days are enormous! Dress yourself in a nice outfit you would hate to lose and wear any bulky shoes or boots you intend to evacuate. It is better to have them on your feet rather than try to pack them. Don't forget that everyone is allowed a jacket or coat as a free item.

Now that you are loaded up you can go to the airport where you will be herded through security.

Additional evacuation advice available at www.wineandchocolateplan.com