What do my fat jeans and Hurricane Bill have in common?

Saturday August 22, 2009

WHAT DO MY FAT JEANS AND HURRICANE BILL HAVE IN COMMON?

This morning I got up and started the day with my normal routine. First I go to the bathroom, then I take all of my clothes off, and only then do I step on the scales to weigh myself. Perhaps this system might not be a totally accurate reflection of my true weight. Well actually I know it is not a correct measurement because when I have a doctor's visit the nurse refuses to let me give a urine sample or take off my clothes before being weighed. I have always rationalized, "What does it really hurt to falsely believe I am a few pounds lighter if it makes me happy?"

Today I got up as usual and did the routine. As soon as I saw the strange large number on the scales I quickly jumped off horrified. I immediately thought there was some error in the scales. I was sure the traitorous scales were not leveled and were therefore reporting inaccurately. After examining the scales for any observable physical damage and finding none, I weighed myself again three more times in different locations within my home. (I did this just in case the house had shifted during the night and was throwing the scales off.) I was haunted by the same large number at each and every weighing!

Why did this make such a difference this morning? I had an important meeting and I was already reconciled to having to wear my fat jeans. If I couldn't get my butt into the fat jeans what was I going to wear? As I started trying to wedge myself into the fat jeans which were suddenly feeling like skinny jeans I bargained with myself, "I promise to start exercising more and give up some of my bread and dessert if I can just make it through the day without splitting a seam."

Well I guess I have short term memory loss as well as a large scale number. I know this is true because late this afternoon I took my granddaughter to the movies and without even realizing it started stuffing my mouth full of popcorn. I was sitting there shoveling in the popcorn when I felt a stitch give way. I froze and remembered my morning pledge of dietary restraint.

How quickly we can forget when the imminent danger has been narrowly avoided. I spent the rest of the movie (behind my 3D glasses) considering this quality in myself and many others. If we get lucky and the hurricane passes us by we often just give a sigh of relief and go back to life as usual. We would be much wiser to use a narrow miss by a hurricane like Bill as a wake up call to become bettered prepared.

If anyone is interested I quit eating the popcorn at the movie and had no dessert tonight.

More evacuation information is available at www.wineandchocolateplan.com